I finally got to take another pregnancy test today to measure my HCG level to make sure it had risen from Wednesdays test (14).

I was very anxious about it. On Wednesday after we found out we were pregnant I took one of our home pregnancy tests to see if it would show up yet. Sure enough, I had a second line! It was faint, but it was definitely there! Thursday morning I took one again, and once again, a faint second line!!

When I got home from work I took one again and noticed it was lighter then the previous ones… so I took one again the next time I went to the bathroom… and the next. All were more faded the the first two. I started to worry. If anything… the lines should be getting stronger. The tests measure the level of HCG in my urine and that level should be going up if the baby is growing. I didn’t get much sleep last night worrying about what the test would find tomorrow. Scott saw the same decreasing pattern on the tests and said he had researched it a little and the stories weren’t all bad. A lot of people on the website he was at had the same thing happen and it turned out fine.

I did some quick research of my own and found the opposite. Most of the people miscarried after this happened to them. I prayed a lot and asked all those I had told about the pregnancy to be praying too.

We’ll find out this afternoon.

Baby, please keep growing. Please, Please, Please. We love you so much and are so excited to be your parents.

Here is the voicemail the doctor left when I called to check to see if my first number was good or not:






After last months failure we decided to throw a hail mary and try again, this time with a new donor, and a new drug.

I went into the doctor yesterday morning to get my pregnancy test. I was in tears all morning because I was sure it was going to be negative. I felt no different then any other time… I figured I was PMS’ing a ton (like usual) and that explained the high emotions.

I got the phone call at 2:15 while I was in a meeting.  My stomach tightened as it had every time my phone had buzzed that day. I tried to keep it out of my head while I led the meeting and decided I would go to our lab after the meeting to listen to the voicemail so I could have my reaction in private.

I was on call so I had to work on an issue right after the meeting. It was me and a couple co-workers working together on the issue and as soon as we finished I opened my visual voicemail and read these words

“This is the doctor’s office calling your test did come up positive today.”

The best words ever!! I couldn’t believe it! Finally! I’m not completely broken! I was so extremely excited. I couldn’t stop smiling. I went for a walk outside, not believing it was real and then decided to go home early to tell Scott.

My mom was going to come to wherever I was after she was done with a conference in the cities (to presumably hold me while I cried over another failure). She texted me as I was leaving to go home to tell Scott so I told her to meet me there.

I had always dreamed of telling Scott I was pregnant in a cutesy way so when I got home I tried to grab a baby pumpkin from our decorations quick and put it by my stomach to tell him. I told him that the test was positive and that I was pregnant! He asked if I was serious and I told him “yes!” and I got to see him the happiest I think I’ve seen him since our wedding day (if not more happy). We hugged and talked about how unreal it felt!

We talked for a while more and then my mom drove up and I waited by the door with the pumpkin. I asked her what she thought it meant and she looked at me with a curious expression. Then I told her the same thing I told Scott. She burst into tears and gave me a great big hug and we stood there sobbing like crazy. It was awesome.

We talked about the odds (I thought I had read something about 50% of pregnancies ending in miscarriage and read later that night that the odds were better then that… about 25%) and talked about not getting our hopes up too high just in case. But then I decided that even if it ends in miscarriage, right now I am pregnant, so I get to be over the moon with excitement about it. 🙂

We called the rest of our families and had my siblings come over since they live so close. We pulled out the baby clothes that were in the far back of our guest room closet and started dreaming about the baby that will fill them (still can’t believe that’s real!!). We looked up the due date and found out our baby is due July 2nd!!

I started to call the rest of my friends and then got paged on a high issue that i had to get on my computer to fix. Extreme buzz kill. Once that I was done I called the rest of my list and let them know the good news. It was so much fun! The most fun I’ve had since I got to call people and tell them I was engaged. It’s so great to call and give people news they’ve been waiting to hear for years. It was wonderful!! SO much joy and thanksgiving.

I called this morning and got a Dr. appointment for Friday morning to double check the numbers to make sure they are rising appropriately. They should double from the test yesterday (which was a 14).

I really can’t believe it. I have a tiny little baby in me 🙂

Can’t wait to meet you baby! You are so wanted and loved more than you can imagine. I wish you had ears already so you could have heard how excited people are at your existence!! I hope you felt the love wash over your tiny little self. We’ve waited so long for you. I can’t believe we’ll have you in our arms in less than a year. It seems like an eternity but I’m so excited for the 9 months I get to spend with you. It’s going to be great. Grow well little baby! We love you! Love, Your Mom.

A dozen tries

We just found out that our 12th attempt has failed. This sucks. I don’t understand why this keeps happening. Why do all these other people get to have babies but I can’t. It just feels so unfair.

It hurts so badly no matter how many times we go through this. I keep wondering if it’s ever going to end. If we are ever going to get pregnant.

We’ve used up the last of the 12 vials of sperm we bought last year. When the nurse called to give us the news she said the doctor had decided to try a different drug next time.

This gives me a little hope… at least he’s saying we should try again.

And at least we have some doors shut… We will no longer do any tries with clomid, and we will no longer do any tries with this donor.

We’re not sure what our next steps will be yet, but we’ll have to decide in the next few days if we’re going to try again and we’ll have to find a new donor.