Once again… no editing, just a giant mind dump of the last couple weeks with paragraph changes whenever I feel like it. 🙂
It’s been a rough couple weeks for Scott and I. Since the miscarriage, I’ve found it pretty difficult to be alone. I just keep thinking that now I’m truly alone, before I was still technically pregnant so I still had our baby with me, but since the surgery I’ve been truly alone. Its been a struggle. I’m so grateful to have so many friends I can call to be with me when I need them. Scott’s had to work a couple Saturdays and having a friend to come over, or a friend to go to, during those times has been a lifesaver. I don’t know how anyone goes through this without telling anyone. I can’t imagine it.
At work I try to distract myself as best I can, but even there I find triggers that leave me crying. One morning I was working and then noticed the salt rocks I put below my monitor. I had grabbed those in the salt mine I had visited a week before our ultrasound. I remembered picking up those rocks and thinking “I’ll get to show my baby this! This was our first trip together and I get to have a cool memento of it!”. So when I noticed them again it made my stomach drop. I couldn’t handle it and started sobbing at my desk. Eventually I pull it together, or a coworker distracts me, but it still sucks.