I read a GREAT blog post the other day which gave me the title to this post. I strongly encourage you to read it if you want to learn what infertility feels like from the male perspective. Both Scott and I read it and agreed with every word.
Back to our story…
We decided in December that we were going to move onto an infertility specialist for our next attempts at getting pregnant. We found a reproductive medicine center we liked and met with our new doctor before we went on vacation in December. We made a plan with him to get a little more aggressive with our attempts. We decided to start our next cycle (try #6) with drugs to help me produce more eggs and to trigger ovulation at a certain time rather then relying on urine tests. There are some risks with us taking this approach. The chance for multiples is much higher then the natural approach (no drug cycle where I would typically just release 1 egg). While to most infertile people this seems like a huge bonus- it also carries large risks. Twin pregnancies are much higher risk and can lead to some lifelong problems in the babies. I would also be at a higher risk for issues. We decided that, despite these risks, if it could boost our chances of conceiving we wanted to give it a shot.
We started the drugs on Dec. 27th. The Dr. warned us that this drug can have some nasty side effects but luckily it wasn’t too bad for me. I got some bad hot flashes at work which got kind of awkward and uncomfortable, but other then that the effects were pretty mild. \
The drugs did what they were supposed to do and after bringing me in for a few daily ultrasounds they decided that two of my follicles were large enough so they had me inject the trigger shot at home. Two days later we did the insemination and scheduled the blood test to determine if it was successful for 1/19. I went in before work and gave them some blood, then they called around lunch time to tell me that the test was negative.
We are extremely sad that once again our attempts to get pregnant failed. Our hearts are broken and can’t understand why this isn’t working. Why I have this strong desire in my heart to bear a child and everything we try fails. Even after the “improved” odds by using fertility drugs we still were unable to conceive. We used up our 6th vial of sperm this attempt. It’s crazy to think that when we started this whole thing I thought we’d be using our 6th vial for our 2nd or 3rd kid.
I will now get my period in a few days. It is kind of nice knowing that I’m not pregnant before I get my period. Sometimes it has seemed like the physical pain has made it harder to process and identify the emotional pain. This time I have more time to process emotionally (and get the good drugs in me quickly).
We are now trying to figure out the next steps. I think we are going to continue doing inseminations until the sperm we bought is used up (our plans was going to be to have as many kids at the 12 vials got us) and then go from there. Not sure if we are going to keep doing them one after another since going to this infertility specialist is pretty spendy (daily ultrasounds aren’t cheap!). It’s also pretty exhausting keeping up with all the appointments in Minneapolis (not to mention how emotionally taxing it gets). We were lucky this cycle that we were able to get most appointments done before work or on the weekend but I’m not sure that we’ll get that lucky on our next cycle. It’s going to be pretty odd to be the coworker that’s constantly leaving for Dr. Appointments randomly.
Please be praying for comfort and wisdom over the next couple days and weeks as we make decisions on our next cycle.